A bit of snark--and a bottle of bourbon--make the holiday go down.
I tolerate Christmas. I love my family. Hit the post title to join me and Robert Earl in acknowledging that love without smothering in schmaltz.
Mom got drunk and Dad got drunk at our Christmas party
We were drinking champagne punch and homemade eggnog
Little sister brought her new boyfriend; he was a Mexican
We didn't know what to think of him 'til he sang Feliz Navidad
Brother Ken brought his kids with him, the three from his first wife Lynn
And the two identical twins from his second wife Mary Nell
Of course he brought his new wife Kay, who talks all about AA
Chain-smoking while the stereo plays noel, noel, the first noel
Carve the turkey and turn the ballgame on
Make margaritas when the eggnog's gone
Send somebody to the Quik-Pak store; we need some ice and an extension cord
A can of bean-dip and some Diet Rites, a box of Tampons, some Marlboro Lights
Hallelujah, everybody say cheese
Merry Christmas from the family
Fred and Rita drove from Harlingen; I can't remember how I'm kin to them
But when they tried to plug their motorhome in they blew our Christmas lights
Cousin David knew just what went wrong, so we all waited out on our front lawn
He threw a breaker and the lights came on, and we all sang Silent Night
Carve the turkey and turn the ballgame on
Make bloody marys 'cause we all want one
Send somebody to the Stop-N-Go; we need some celery and a can of fake snow
A bag of lemons and some Diet Sprites, a box of Tampons, some Salem Lights
Hallelujah, everybody say cheese
Merry Christmas from the family
No comments:
Post a Comment